Stupid Questions people ask when you break up..!

How did it happen??

Yesterday i found out he had pictures of Justin Bieber that were quite questionable. LIKE REALLY QUESTIONABLE.

Are you okay?

Yes I m okay, i broke up, i do not have STD (at least i hope so)

Was it bad?

NO..i mean i kicked him in the place it hurts the most and then we got into a very good physical fight and people had to come and free us before we nearly killed each other but other than that i think it not at all bad.

Did he/she cheat on you?

Yes and I caught him in bed with the guy next door, the things were kind of hot and heavy.

Will you take him back?

I will rather go to a lion’s cage dressed as a deer and patiently wait for him to come and eat me than go through all that non sense ALL over again, let’s be honest the death will be less painful than hearing your drama all over again.

So will you date again?

Oh no! Never. I will never date anyone in the near future, i will grow old with 50 pet cats and bitch about how pathetic men are and how i am loved by my 50 cats. AH! WHAT A LIFE IT WILL BE.

 

Types of Ex’s

When your ex says you will never find someone like me reply with ‘that’s the point’.. how many times have i read this thing? countless 😛 and then i saw a lot of people write or even post videos on YouTube about types of ex’s  so i thought why not i give it a try

so here are the following types of EX’S 

1. The Bipolar – you had a relationship which turned sour for what ever reason and you decide to call off the relationship and your boyfriend or girlfriend agrees until they are home alone. They will start sending you texts “baby please take me back, i still love you’ and when you don’t respond to the text it goes something like this ‘i effing hate you, you are such a moron. I am better off without you anyway’ and then you still don’t respond ‘please baby reply i swear i was angry’ and this goes on and on and on and on. 
2. The Stalker – So you broke up with him/her and they seemed quite cool with it and you thought they handled it very well UNTIL you start seeing them everywhere you go.Your school, gym, at a party, mall any where! and when you see them, they make it look like an “accident” like what sort of accident is that? was i dating a guy or some Freddy Kruger because you don’t have to kill me in my sleep, you are a waking nightmare.
3. The Fly – Have you ever been irritated by a fly? You know what i mean, right? No matter how much you try to shoo it away it will just keep  buzzing in your ear and you will start yelling all sorts of abuses you know. This is exactly the same. No matter how much you try to shut them off they will still keep buzzing in your ear, it doesn’t matter to them if you broke up ages ago, they will still want to find out “how are you” and “what are you doing” 
4. The Jerk – This person was a jerk even when you were a relationship and a super jerk when you are not in a relationship anymore. Usually they think they are so important and you can’t live your life without them and usually they pass that weird smile when ever you pass through them (if you know what i mean :P)
5. The horn dog – Though you have broken up but then this person proposes ‘friends with benefits” type of thing, the only thing you can do is kick him in the curb and if it’s a girl break her most precious thing. you ain’t no booty call! 

 

Well that’s all i got for today 😀 if you think of something more, let me know. till then see you later you beautiful people 😀 

Fiction vs Reality

Everyone has a fantasy world. Some find it in books, some in movies, some even in anime also. For me it is both movies and books ( i stopped watching anime a long time back) and many times i discuss a book with my friends, they will end up telling me how such and such guy from such and such book is so cool, how sexy they are, i wish he was my boyfriend, i wish i could go to a school like that and what not and sometimes it is fun to hear them but after a while it gets really annoying.

First of all the book is categorized under “fiction” because it is imagination of someone, it did not happen to that person and i doubt he will actually want it to happen to them, they want to give readers a sense of world so that they can run their imagination around, but sadly some of us get obsessed , like a lot!

So i am here to list out the difference between fiction and reality :

The love for vampires 

You know what i am talking about, a long time back way before vampires were sparkly and shining like fairies and get almost raped my girls, they were actually scary. They had a sense of horror,mystery to them. You get picked up my a handsome man, you talk to him, laugh and next thing you know the fangs have come out and you are screaming. But now every girl wants a boyfriend like Edward Cullen. I mean why? He is a vampire, he is actually dead, and he feeds on blood! and seriously you want a boyfriend like him? he tends to overreact on every single thing and if you want a guy who tells you cheesy lines, date mozzarella or any cheese you like.

 

The love for Dominant type personality 

I really don’t mind reading erotic novels, but when you do dirty in every chapter it really gets boring, and another hot book among women is 50 shades of grey. Personally i don’t hate the book but i find it weird.. I don’t know. In some of the erotic novels you read, the guy is mostly some what a dominant personality and the women being the submissive one. You pick any erotic novel, any smut manga, it’s the same story every time and girls are rooting for characters like these. They are forceful, it’s not cute and why most of the time the guy is dominant one? why not the girl being the dominant one?

I want my school to be like that

You know school like Hogwarts aah! i wish my school was like that but on the second thought i think my was fine the way it was. I mean i don’t want to go to a school where teachers become what ever they like (say cat or even invisible) and second i don’t want my life to be in danger, i mean i already hated going school and the thought that today will be my last day because i might be killed by YOU KNOW WHAT is kind of enough to make me like my own school.

I wish i had a love story like that

You already have a boyfriend. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIM?

Right now these are the only things i can come up with 😛 but if you know more let me know 😀

Stupid Questions People Ask Non Vegetarians

Why do you eat non veg?? 

well because i want to stay in touch with the cave woman inside me, what kind of question is that? i eat it because i like it.

You eat dead animals?? 

Yeah any type of dead animal will do

Why do you kill innocent animals?

Because i am a selfish little prick who doesn’t want to eat plants alone, i want to eat every thing that has life in it.

Don’t you like vegetarian?

Is it necessary? god leave me be.

You know eating non vegetarian will make you fat?

I am holding too many nuggets,burgers,tandoori chicken to answer your question but still I DO NOT CARE.

HAHA! You can survive in china even..or any other country that eats such stuff…!

First i will carry my poultry farm with me ( if i have one) second YOU ARE RACIST.

Will You sit next to someone else i have a problem with non veg food. Please?

Of course i will sit somewhere else because i have a problem with YOU.

Did you touch that?

Yup, eat it or leave it.

 

 

Annoying things in a romantic movie

As i have already said that i like movies but my least preferred genre is romantic movies due to the following annoying things..!

1. The annoying best friend– you pick up any romantic movie, any romantic novel it will always have one best friend that is either there to fall in love with the lead or with the lead’s boyfriend/girlfriend or that annoying friend that hooks them up and then torturing us with their stupid romance.
2. The Lead– okay straight up, the lead has to be one of the most annoying things in the movie. They will either be jerks,promiscuous or so stupid that they won’t even know the fact that they are in love with their best friend or their best friend is in love with them.
3. Falling for the wrong person – the guy is a jerk, you know it, your friend knows it, even the whole town knows it and you decide to fall for him?? WHY?? Then you think you can change him/her? WHY? Seriously if the guy/girl makes you cry, you kind of deserve it.
4. Thinking love can change everything – Love cannot change drug or alcohol addicts, stop acting like a little angel and get your facts straight, they need a doctor or maybe rehab not Love.
5. Falling in love with your family’s enemy – you know your families are sworn enemies and you still decide to fall in love with each other of all the people in the world, only to get killed in the end? weird

These are the things that annoy me, i have not included things like misunderstandings or romantic gestures or anything of the sort that really cannot happen 😛

hey..sorry :(

hey! how are all of you! been long time?! i am so sorry! my net was down and i couldn’t post 😦 i mean it was so annoying! every time i tried to connect the internet it would be like “NO I WON’T DO IT!’ and i would be sitting there like “PLEASE” but the most annoying thing was the customer care executive that was annoying the crap out of me!

Firstly i call them like twenty thousand times before they pick up their damn phone! i feel like a stalker and every time the bell goes i am like “PLEASE PICK UP PLEASE” but will they pick up? oh no my friend, until and unless you have proved the telephone company that you are suffering from some sort of delusion they will not pick up the phone.

Then comes the second thing “the wait” i have already called you so many times and when you finally decide to pick your phone , you effing decide to put me on hold?! dude! what’s wrong with you? Just when i decide to open my mouth to tell about my problem or feel happy you have picked up the phone i hear this “your call is important for us please wait on the line” like i don’t get it, if my call is so god damn important why did you put me on hold??? and after 5 minutes of being on hold, i decide to cut the call and when i check my balance they have deducted 5 bucks!

i am a student i cant afford to lose 5 bucks on the call that hasn’t even taken place? what’s with that? you tell us it’s “toll free” and then you shamelessly charge me? :O

Finally when i was able to talk to the person of interest he turned out to be complete moron! i kept telling him my problem and he kept adding to my distress “how long has this been going on?’ “have you restarted your computer?’ “was this problem before” and thousands of questions, you are paid to listen why can’t you do it properly, i already told you my problem and you act like this and then when i lose my temper in frustration you tell me to calm the eff down. Well anyway god bless you because finally my net has started 😀

P.S i am really sorry, but i promise i will be more punctual this time 😀 and i missed you a lot! 😀

Types of Drunk people..!

Well I am back! You missed me?? Of course you did, come let me hug you, aww aren’t you a cute little thing. :-*

No, i am not drunk because if i was i would be typing like  this “gahahahkdlc” but i am not so i am not drunk, i was yesterday but not anymore 😛 ya know what i mean yo! 😛

Okay i am that kind of person who does not get drunk often and i really never drink but that does not mean i don’t know the brands, to be honest when i meet people who like to drink here is how the conversation and my thought process goes :-

A – hey.. how are you? it’s been so long (they slur when they talk)

Me- i am fine how are you? (umm..what are you talking about, we just met an hour ago, what did you drink and how much?)

A – You know what my boyfriend is such a jerk

Me- oh really what happened? (I don’t care! At least you have one)

A- He likes the Winx club show

Me – SAY WHAT! O_O

Yes this is how it goes, they say the most random thing you can ever think of and then they expect you to agree with them and honestly i liked that show though the title character was like annoying but Raven was so effing hot!

Anyway i decided to you know write down the different types of drunk people based on my experience..LIKE A BOSS!

1. The stupid drunk – usually this person is very intelligent and some what well informed but as soon as one sip of whiskey and you really start doubting their grades. They tell you the most dumbest joke you have ever heard and then laugh as if their lives depend on it.
2. The political drunk – They don’t give an eff about politics, if politics was the bull, they’ll be like 10 feet away from it and one shot of vodka and they are the political guru? Not sure how that works…
3. The innocent drunk – Usually this person NEVER drinks and mostly is the one who takes care of all the other drunk people unless..they accidentally drink the coke they left a moment ago 😀
4. The shameless drunk- PERVERT ALERT – mostly they are not that big perverts in real life but one shot and if feels like you are the walking porn! it don’t matter you are girl, boy,married, unmarried,gay,lesbian or anything! it does not matter to them and they will be looking at you with those creepy eyes and that creepy smile that makes you want to run and hide in a room. They will be ogling your breasts or crotch (if you are a guy)
5. The love drunk – This person straight up loves each and everyone present in that room with them. The girl who cheated him or the boy who stole the lunch money, they don’t care , they love each and everyone of them and usually it follows by a proclamation of love and saying ‘i love you’ and hugs and kisses 😛
6. The fantasy drunk – Well when ever this person drinks, every fantasy he/ she thinks of come to life 😛 be it ANY FANTASY ya know what i mean? 😛

 

Well that’s all i have for today 😀 hope you enjoyed it! and be a responsible drunk
😀

Cheating…

I had been in a relationship for past four years ( it was first relationship of my life) and recently i found out that he had a girlfriend and he was in a relationship with her for past 1.5 years, that made me feel like somebody has dropped a hammer on my head because to be very very very honest i am hurt and it is obvious i will feel hurt.

I feel as if i wasted my time , energy, money, everything that was not right and the intelligent part of me is trying to tell me it was good and move on.

As hard as i try to move on , i know i can’t do it in a single day and i am in a rush to get over it as soon as i can but i know it won’t happen, i have to deal with the feeling of  being hammered in my head for maybe two more days and i don’t think it requires any more time than that, i mean yeah i am hurt but i don’t want to dwell on it for the rest of my life, shit happens and it happened to me as well and at least i had my dignity intact, i was cheated on, i didn’t cheat so why should i mourn the death of this futile relationship for any more than 2 days, i cried enough for one day and i guess tomorrow i will held the condolences meeting.

If i try to look it in a positive light, it maybe a sliver lining that i just don’t see right now and if maybe i stay calm and face the fact that it did happen and stop denying it and stop over analyzing the situation and stop thinking what a fool i was then it will be all better but then again it will take time.

A better part of me is telling me go take revenge and the angelic part is saying you might be mistaken and i am telling them shut the eff up. Mistake? 1.5 years is no effing mistake, it a choice. He effing made it, no one was there to tell him how to do it, he did it himself, cheating like this is not a MISTAKE, you know what’s a mistake? A mistake is when you effing right the wrong answer in the exam and you fail because of it, that is a MISTAKE. Falling in someone else’s vagina or telling them you love them and shit like that is not a mistake, you made a choice and you are free to live with that choice, don’t come running around to me when life kicks you hard.

Then the devil part is saying take revenge, make him cry, make him more miserable than he made you and i am like no i don’t have time for this shit, i have been kicked down and i have to get up, let karma fuck him up why should i even raise my finger  but that does not mean i won’t plot and kill him thousand times in my head, i have that liberty.

I need some time on my own because i deserve it, for four years i was on my toes, responding to every text, talking to him even when i was dead tired or irked, making decisions while being influenced, stopped talking to people just because he did not like it,actually hiding my feelings when i just wanted to throw the effing shoe on his face but you know what, it’s my road to self discovery, i want to find myself ad mist all this falseness, and don’t judge me i was like madly in love but now i don’t feel anything more than anger or hurt.

Before i made him the center of my universe, this ain’t no twilight. But aren’t we all like that? I believed in him so much and yet i got only this in return but i don’t care or mind but i am also not that kind to take him back or say it’s okay i forgive you, you know why? because i don’t trust him and he can’t win it back, no matter how many people tell you, “if he’s truly sorry, he deserves a second chance” but why? He made a choice, no one made that choice for him. Do you eat the food after you dropped it on the floor? No you don’t you chuck it inside a bin and close the cap and get on with your life, you don’t sit there thinking ‘i should still eat’ ‘it’s my floor i know how clean it is’ No don’t do it! Put in a dustbin along with all the other bullish and leave it there for someone else more stupid than you to pick it up because i know that’s what i will be doing.

I am sorry that this is not funny as i thought it would be, but i am actually sad and i really feel my world has been turned upside down, it’s 5:19 am right now and i can’t sleep but when i will effing show that these stupid things won’t break me or my ability to trust other people.

Things I will rather do than to debate about a political party…

The following is the list of things i would rather do than debate with anyone about any political party 

1. I will rather do maths than to debate with anyone about a political party, because if i want my head to hurt like someone banging it on the wall, i would rather prefer it was maths who did that torture to me because either ways i can’t do a thing about it. The only advantage i will have will be the fact i can throw the book when ever i want but can i do that in a debate? oh hell no!
2. I rather will go and listen to my dad’s lecture for more than five hours than to listen how such and such party is good and what not.
3. I will rather get myself punched by a kid who is of the age of 10 than debate because to be honest it’s less embarrassing than the fact you don’t want to debate and then the name calling
4. I will rather burn all my old clothes which my mother hates so much and have have a bonfire than to debate ever again in my life. 
5. I will rather read 50 shades of grey or Twilight, because if we are discussing fantasy world, you got no better choice than these novels, which much like many people are baseless and pointless and also help you hurt your head and question everything.
6. You know what i will rather stalk random people not only on Facebook but in real life as well than to ever hear you say a word about how much such and such political leader is so good. 
7. I will rather go to a NICKI MINAJ concert than ever hear your voice telling me how wrong i am in deciding which party to give vote, because if i want the living crap out of me to be annoyed, i would rather do it here, than with you. PERIOD. 
8. I got better than #7, I’d rather pretend i am effing deaf and if you are writing this to me  then i will remove my glasses because i am actually blind without my glasses and no it’s not funny. 
9. I will rather go to my aunt’s house and have her tell me how pathetic i am, or how fat i am, or what ever than to sit here and listen to you because either of you won’t make any sense to me but going to my aunt’s place is still a better option because i don’t listen to her anyway.
10. This one is rather serious, I WILL RATHER SLEEP, than get in a debate with you and i don’t care if no prince ever comes to wake me up, i really don’t care, just give me your alarm and set it to ring when all your crap is done. -________-“
11. I’d rather get in a fight with a two year old over his ice cream, because let’s face it, it will be way less embarrassing when you win the debate. 
12. I will rather stop eating junk food all together, if you stop acting like you know so much, and trust me i really love junk food but not more than my mental peace.             

 

But all joking aside, make sure you vote for the party you think will do most for you and let your vote count, and one more thing if you don’t exercise this basic right then you have no right to complain about the party which has come in power.

YOUR VOTE YOUR CHOICE AND MAKE THE CHANGE COUNT. 

PLEASE URGE ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND PEOPLE YOU KNOW TO VOTE BECAUSE EVERYONE’S OPINION DOES MATTER. 

Till then keep smiling 😀

Confessions :/

So the other day i was on Facebook. Like most of the time i was doing the usual stuff, you know stalking people on Facebook, seeing their profile, cursing it if it was private, you know again the usual stuff.  Then suddenly i came across a confession page and i started reading it, i mean i read all the comments, the confessions and this is what i thought. 

Many people who confess actually don’t use the word correctly, the word you should be using is ADVICE. You are not confessing, you are asking advice from the people who know nothing about you and probably will give you the advice that might do more harm than good

I already said it before but i was not saying it very clearly, one thing i hate more than pimple on my face is people having double standards or in other words hypocrites. I hate those kind of people.

The only thing people confess or rather ask about advice is Relationships.

They post some of the weird stuff, sometimes in a language that is so hard to understand. You can’t even make out what the person is trying to say, then how can you help them? 

So i decided i will help them and answer the “confession” or maybe even analyze the situation to give you an insight about what was the actual motive of asking this. In no way i have a degree but i am just answering it the way it was supposed to be answered. 

1)Guy
I love a girl of my schoolmate turely i prosped her bt no reply from her ….
iAm still waiting and nt able forgot her i did many things to make busy bt no solution any one plz any suggestion plz

 MOVE ON. It’s the only suggestion i can give. Study when you have the time and please don’t tell me she is the only girl for you and you hardly sound like you are any more than 12, don’t get me wrong i am not judging this the way you wrote, i am judging this on the basis of what is going on in my head and you in my head sound like a 12 year old, who should be watching cartoons than doing this love stuff which you clearly don’t understand anyway. And please get good marks. 

2) I’m a GIRL of 19….. i am in relationship wid a guy …. he’s so cute and well mannered… but frm d past few days he’s more inclined towards being physically intimate… pls help me i don’t know what to do… i don’t wanna go Against my family… 

Answer:- Dump that  piece of garbage, doesn’t matter if he is cute or well mannered, if he is asking you to be physically intimate and you are not ready either tell him to wait or tell him he can go eff himself because he clearly doesn’t care about you. Well mannered? You mean the way he is asking you to be intimate with him is full of “please” good grief. Parents? How come parents are involved in this? He is asking you to have sex with him not your parents, dear lord you are 19 years old, your parents raised you enough already, give them a break and start taking charge of your life, and one more thing IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DON’T DO IT, Your parents raised you better.

 

3) 

im grl…..17 years old….i jst entrd in relationshp . Itz bring nly 4 days …..Guyzzz …is it crrct to hav a bf ?????? n parentz ko cheat karne jaise tho nhi na????

 

Our next confessor or advice seeking person wants to ask if it is really okay to have a boyfriend and it’s not like i am cheating my parents? Basically she wants your approval so she doesn’t feel guilty when she hang out with her boyfriend and do all the dirty stuff because she has asked a lot of strangers on Facebook and also she doesn’t want to go through the guilt trip, so she is trying to convince you to convince her that she is not doing anything wrong and she can have a boyfriend. 

4) 

Girl 
8th
Dear father I confess that I drink and have had 2 boyfriends in 2013 , one in 12th and the other in 10th . 
P.s not at the same time na !!

 

I really couldn’t figure out about this confessor and what the initial thing meant, what does 8th mean? Is it the 8th confession on the page? Or the girl is in 8th grade? I think i might have to analyse it on both the basis, if this is confession number 8 then you really are weird, “confessing” on Facebook to your dad? does your dad even have Facebook, well in your case i hope not because you seriously will be whopped, and you drink? well a lot of people do, so i am not saying anything on that matter but you seriously wanted to confess this? why didn’t you go to a church and confess it there in front of god, if you feel so bad, you know what i think you are trolling because there is no way your dad wouldn’t have found out that you were chugging down a bottle of whiskey like your liver functions on it and if you are doing all this in 8th grade then i seriously think tell your dad, you will be whopped no doubt about it but at least he will give you some good advice, 

 

And now i will analyze the final confession 

5) Guy
hey guys im a 17 year old giy from mumbai and i have never dated anyone yet because im a bit fat…..how is it my fault….do all the girls prefer looks over heart…cause im the kindest and genuine guy one could ever have..

Umm, you are fat? and you think girls only prefer looks over heart? and you say you are kindest and genuine guy? First of all not girls are shallow maybe the one you have been meeting are effing judgmental but now aren’t you being the same? asking crap like that. So what you are fat? i mean so WHAT? Exercise and get in shape and it’s not that hard if you give your 100% and you will get relief from a thousands of diseases that can make you so sick that you will eventually die off, and you saying that you are the kindest and stuff like that who are you trying to impress? It makes you look fake and seriously don’t do it. Keep healthy and think positive.

 

I feel like i should do such posts more often, it’s not like they will read it as i copied this from a lot of sites including Facebook, I really think the questions or rather the “confessions” should be answered in a straight manner with a sense of humor otherwise you will be a boring advice columnist and no one cares about what you have to say.

Till then keep smiling and keep making other people smile 😀